Proteas choke on British humble pie

Written by Michael Owen - June 24th, 2019

Sports

The opening match of the Cricket World Cup 2019 between hosts England and yours truly, South Africa, played out to be the benchmark of disappointment that Proteas’ fans were to be prone to for the duration of the tournament.

I can still remember sitting in my university cafeteria in 2015 as the Proteas would fend off opponents in a way that resembled respectable and competitive ODI cricket, albeit they donned the “choker” status loud and not so proud. But this year’s team lacked any smell of credibility whatsoever so much so that I would deem their performance as simply ‘disgusting’. You and I can rant and rave about the Proteas until the cows come home about how disastrous and quite simply catastrophic they have been in the cold North, but that would be pointless – if that is what you want, then you can get a yearly dose of moaning on Twitter.

I have never been a fan of cutting a coach off short which is why I have never understood the haphazard chopping and changing of Managers in European football. Having said that, and considering the Proteas’ results under the leadership of Ottis Gibson as Head Coach and his clown compatriots, it is indisputable that they need to be removed as quickly as a #ZumaReshuffle in the middle of the night. That’s a tad harsh Michael? Na, not really and here is why:

His office is responsible for a milestone – but just a very, very terrible one! And that is a first ever series loss in South Africa to a subcontinental team (reference to the 2-0 series defeat to Sri Lank in February of this year). Although his track record under Test cricket is more impressive, it seemed his contract as Head Coach was conditional upon winning the Cricket World Cup, according to Times Live. And it is infamously now known that his leadership in the red ball format has been regressive. Thankfully, if his contract is dependent upon winning the world cup (lol), then he might as well stay in England since that is where Cricket South Africa poached him from. Otherwise he could catch a flight with his birth nation, the Windies, as they too look like they could do with some coaching.

What was once a thriving marketplace to share memories has now become a marketing platform – one which steals your personal data (yes, steals because who really reads those standard terms? but that’s our fault and a story for another day). They collect your data and profile you accordingly. What’s even more scary than them knowing all about you based on the data you freely give them (like your age, sex, gender, religious beliefs etc) is the fact that they can dig deeper into you (as a data subject) based purely on what you click on. So even if you did not want to give them the aforementioned personal data, they could still extrapolate it according to your online behaviour. Who knew your index finger could surrender so much of your personal detail at the click of a mouse. But let’s put the cyber-security aspect aside since most of us don’t actually care about it anyway. We’re more concerned with immediate consequences (and not the long-term, unseen potential consequences such as the Cambridge Analytica scandal).

Why do you want to feed that dopamine-induced addiction by reaching for your phone first thing in the morning? It’s shown to not be good for your health. Imagine that it’s Sunday evening, you’ve just had a great weekend, and you decide to post a picture to show the world. Monday morning comes and the first thing you do is rush to your phone for one single purpose – to see how many people have liked and commented on MY post. The truth is, no-one cares about how many likes and comments you got. I don’t. Even if others did, it’s a temporary thought that is soon gone with the wind. For example, when you posted something online, I think it’s safe to say that you chose that picture because you thought that was the golden shot. But now, how many times throughout the week did you come across someone else’s post and think: “Wow! That’s a great picture!”? You can drop your answer below.

Furthermore, I was never a hype master for appointing a foreigner for the position of Head Coach. Oh, but Michael, that is xenophobic of you! No, not really. If you take offence then press the red cross on the top right hand of your screen. It must be said, and respect is given where it is due, Ottis Gibson has had to feel and cope with the pressure as being appointed as South Africa’s first black Head Coach. This is an achievement in and of itself, but surely that should have been an achievement bestowed to a South African? The highest coaching position in our rich lands should be afforded to a South African because by offering it elsewhere, in my opinion at least, is a deliberate smack in the face to local coaches who are doing the hard yards. You would never elect a foreigner as President of the Republic would you? South Africa is no short of cricket talent and we should be looking inwards to appoint the Head Coach without a doubt. An individual who understands the culture and has gone through our ladder of cricket. If Cricket South Africa was hell-bent to find a black bowling coach with immeasurable first class experience to be appointed as Head Coach of the Proteas then Makhaya Ntini was your number one man.

The ‘Ottis Gibson affect’ with his coaching experience invested purely as a bowling coach has impacted the Proteas team in ways that even an illiterate cricket supporter can see. What I mean by this is that Gibson’s lack of batting expertise has been contagious and contaminated our top order batsmen. The likes of Amla, Faf, de Kock and Miller to name a few, have looked fickle at the crease and seem to rather have spent more time being ordered to bowl than bat at practice. Let us not get started with our bowlers. They seem to have been barked one, and only one order, and that is to bowl short and hit the deck hard even when it fails. Ironically, our bowlers have been pitching the ball back of a length, yet they themselves seem lacking in depth. But let us digress from the woes that is Ottis Gibson.

The 2019 Cricket World Cup for the Proteas, at the time of writing, has given fans the opportunity to glorify over 1 win in 7 matches (1 being rained out – which to be honest we were looking to lose with a score of about 30/2 against the Windies). Quite literally this is our nation’s worst ever Cricket World Cup and it’s an embarrassment to say the least. At least the Proteas can’t choke in the semi-finals. This was prevented by a superbly premature exit by South Africa where in fact our final 3 matches were/are dead rubber as we were beyond revival.

Cricket South Africa in the foreseeable future is going to have a tough task at hand it must be said. It seems like Ottis will get the axe, while the likes of Imran Tahir, JP Duminy, Dale Steyn, Hashim Amla and maybe even captain Faf du Plessis are on their way out. What Cricket South Africa did handle appropriately was the AB de Villiers saga. AB’s video that he made, announcing his retirement, clearly states that he is done with international cricket and that “quite frankly I am tired” is surely bountiful intent, indicating he was done on the international stage? Or, perhaps that was all part of his masterful plan. Hunt the cash dollar for some time and then sneakily work your way back into the starting line-up just 24 hours before a Cricket World Cup match without having played any of the necessary domestic cricket.

There is so much more that can be said on the current state of the Proteas, and perhaps I should write a further article at a later point. One could raise the question of what impact the IPL had on players having been so close to the Cricket World Cup. Were they fatigued? Kagiso Rabada sure did look like he has been playing cricket for 3 years straight without rest at the youthful age of just 24. I saw a stat recently, and excuse me for not being able to provide it, but the crux of it detailed that KG Rabada has bowled more balls than any other bowler from the start of their career until the age of 24. South Africa is running KG like Thomas the Tank Engine and soon enough he is going to run out of coal…oh wait that just happened at the Cricket World Cup. I remember reading the idea that Tim Noakes mentioned in his autobiography The Quiet Maverick. This was the idea of ‘resting players’. Prof Noakes was utilized by Jake White when he won the Rugby World Cup in 2007 to rest key players so that they would be 100% ready for pivotal matches. It seems like Prof Noakes needs to take a stroll from his Newlands offices to the stadium and inform whoever the new coach will be to send KG to Mauritius for a few weeks.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

I wish you well in not suffering from a heart attack as we simperingly support the Proteas in our remaining two defeats.

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